RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS
Val Baldwin, CPC
Live Your Ultimate Life
by Barbara Ellen Grant, adapted by Val Baldwin
First impressions are everything when a new partner comes into your life. There are some personality types with particular characteristics you should seriously consider avoiding.
It's not all black and white. There could be partners who have more than one of these traits but could still turn out to be a great partner. There could also be partners who don't have any of the traits and can be even worse. You should simply watch out for the types of people that take things to the extreme and make you miserable. A successful relationship is one where both partners understand, respect, care, appreciate and love each other. If you are unhappy more often than satisfied in your relationship, it's better to give serious consideration about moving on before it's too late.
Here are a few warning signs that indicate trouble in the future.
- Out of a longterm serious relationship less than one year.
Could indicate potential unresolved baggage. This is the number one complaint with singles. Again and again singles say they are available when in reality they are consumed with something or someone.
- "Temporary living conditions" seem more long term.
If they refer to their home as transitional but doesn't seem to be leaving any time soon, they could have potential commitment issues. They may also be the type of person who "plans" on doing all kinds of things with their home, their work, their life…but never gets around to actually doing any of those things. This is the type of person that you see 10 years later and nothing has changed. A good talker but not a good doer. Not great marriage potential.
- Divorced less than a year but "over it".
Can you say denial? Really, go back to point #1. Lots of singles think they are available and ready to move forward when in reality they are not emotionally ready. They move right into another relationship and they find themselves conflicted and not able to give what they should to the new relationship. Divorce takes time to truly get over. If it's been less than a year, then the person is fooling themselves when they say they are ready. Proceed with caution in this scenario.
- Not very reachable by phone.
With today's technology, it's very unusual to not be available by phone. You have to ask yourself what they might be hiding. Are they married or a possible control freak? Do they really work where they told you? As unfortunate as it may be… there are wackos out there that mislead and hide pertinent information for a variety of reasons. None of these reasons are good. Honesty and integrity is everything for a successful relationship.
- Says they're in love with you within the first two weeks.
It's fun to be swept off your feet by a romantic partner who claims their undying love for you quickly. However, most singles have learned that being swept off their feet is dangerous to the heart - the relationship usually does not survive past the initial rush. Things that burn that hot, burn out just as fast. It's best to grow slowly, lightly into a relationship.
- Financially secure, over 30 and living with his mom.
Can you say momma's boy? Typically these types of men have their moms help them out with almost everything. His mom is the best person and the perfect woman in the whole world. Having such a partner will bring up one problem, you will never live up to his mother and although he will love and cherish you forever, he will take his mother's side every time. Time and again he will keep comparing you to his mom, no matter what you do.
THE FEMALE VERSION OR MOTHER GOOSE SYNDROME
is the woman who is constantly fixing your hair and tucking in your shirt. Although she may have good intentions and be great in many others ways, her motherly instincts will eventually be too much to tolerate. You may try to get her to ease up, but if she still cannot resist the urge to stop caring about the tiniest of details, you need to consider if you really want two moms in your life permanently.
- They prefer spending all their time at the gym
And talks about their workouts most of the time. They have a lifetime membership at the gym. He has all the latest gadgets and home entertainment systems. Most probably, in such a relationship, you will never see him as he is always down at the gym. He will spend more time in the bathroom then you do.
- A workaholic and their only "true love" is their work.
They are going places, but will they be taking you with them? They are always smartly dressed, has great taste in décor and eats at the finest restaurants. However, their work will always come first. Maybe you have to make an appointment to see them. They will take you to elegant dinner parties then leave you with strangers while they talk shop.
- They insist you spend every waking moment with them.
They refuse to let you go out for yourself or spend any significant amount of time with anyone else. Any kind of explanation of yours needing to spend time with friends and family will only bring up an argument in which you will have to prove your love for them 100 times. Remember, if you can't have a little independence in your relationship, it's never going to last.
- They have to be the center of everyone's attention.
No matter where you are or who you are, this partner just begs to be in the spotlight. In order to get attention, they may talk nonstop or maybe too loud, use wild gestures, tell unbelievable stories or tell lame or distasteful jokes or a woman might wear provocative outfits. Will you be able to handle such a stage hog?